Is this a date?

Most people haven't the slightest clue what they want. That happens to be true in most aspects of my life. But when it comes to dating, sex, men, love, etc. I've got a friggin' checklist. Not really, that would just be sad. But I do know what I want. That was the easy part. Now lets find someone who wants those same things. Take a number, pumpkin. Follow my mostly satirical journey through the Hell that is dating. It won't help you, but at least you get to laugh at someone.